Archive for August, 2010

When Sex Gets Unsexy – Guest Post

August 19th, 2010 @ Guest

Guest post written by: Caitlyn from My Brain and Other Curiosities

Guest post written exclusively for Scarlet’s Letter!

I learned two things this morning. The first is that my Korean neighbor has taken up violin. The second is that there is nothing like screechy, pitchy violin scales to interrupt the flow of a much-needed pleasuring.  Sigh.

I’m sure the same thing happens to all you lovely ladies.  The wrong song on the radio, the outside interruption, the odd glimpse in the mirror that leaves you momentarily convinced that your bottom looks awful....sometimes you just can’t catch a break.  (Though I do sometimes find that covering or turning the mirrors from the start is a big help with feeling self-conscious.  Not a permanent fix for real self-image problems, of course, but a useful fix for the occasional bad day.)  Sometimes sex just seems so...unsexy.

And then, of course, I got pregnant.  We wanted a baby very much, but pregnancy made sex...interesting, shall we say.  In theory, pregnant sex is no big deal: a little less energy at the beginning, a little clumsiness at the end, but at least you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant!  It’s a piece of cake.....if by “cake” you mean “cake-shaped object your Great Aunt Mildred brought to Thanksgiving.”  It may be pretty good, it may be not bad, and it may be terrible.  You just never know.

As it happens, I got “terrible.”  From very early in pregnancy, the baby was pressing on a nerve or something and any form of penetration HURT.  Lots of lube, lots of foreplay, some pretty good toys and an incredible gentle husband, and it still hurt and hurt and hurt.  (I don’t want to scare you ladies off or anything; this kind of pain is quite unusual, even for pregnant women.)  On top of that my boobs were sore for a long time, my hips hurt in some positions, and I couldn’t use the positions that have always worked best for me.  (My strongest orgasms have always been lying facedown on the bed.  Doesn’t work with a belly.)

Sex was rough after the baby was born, too.  I took a while to heal physically, and there was some emotion to work through as well.  For some reason my mental “erotic map” seems to have changed as well, so Hero had to re-learn what I liked and didn’t like in bed.  Not to mention all the complications that come from taking care of a small baby.

I will say, though, that while the pregnancy and baby have made sex harder, they’ve also made it easier in some ways.  How can you help loving a man who adores your body through every change and stretch mark?  Who gives you hugs and kisses and hot chocolate and reassurance for every mood swing and bad day?  Who lets you videotape him dancing around the living room with the baby in his arms, singing along to 8 Days a Week?  I have the most amazing Hero in the whole wide world.

But even with all the wonderful things that happen, sex doesn’t feel that sexy.  So....what do you do?  What happens when sex feels completely unappealing?

Darlin’, you have sex anyway.

You talk dirty to each other over phone or chat or text.  You send him pictures of yourself (it only takes a few seconds to take a cleavage shot on your cell phone and send it to him.)  You write out fantasies, or download written erotica and change the names and descriptions to make it about you and your sweetheart.  (Hoochymail.com will do it for you, but their stories are a bit on the cheesy side.  Still, better than nothing.)  Put on lingerie sometimes, even if you don’t think sex will happen that night.  And develop a few strategies to satisfy each other with minimal effort, so you can be generous without feeling cranky later.

Make it easy to take advantage of the moments that do arise.  I keep blankets and a bottle of lube in the living room for when the baby falls asleep on our bed, and try to wear sexy underwear every day, so my husband has something to enjoy whenever clothes come off.  Make special occasions easy to have.

You also may have to change your definition of sex.  Sex is the giving and receiving of pleasure - intercourse is definitely not required.  Orgasm may not be required.  Figure out what you want and delight in that.  Cuddle naked.  Stroke each other.  Exchange massages, sexy or otherwise.  Make out in the kitchen while dinner is cooking.  Give each other orgasms in the kitchen while dinner is cooking.  Spend more time enjoying each other than worrying about your sex life.

This too shall pass.  The sexy will come back.  It might need some help, but it will come back.  And in the meantime, enjoy each other any way you can.

______________________________________

Special thanks to Caitlyn for writing this guest post, if you like what you read, check out her insightful blog My Brain and Other Curiosities or follow her on Twitter

LELO Siri, how I adore thee.

August 13th, 2010 @ Amber St. Clare

Siri, it’s been great knowing you these past few weeks. Really. Our love affair has been swift yet passionate, and I love the way you bring me to the brink of climax and beyond. That’s why this post is for you, dear LELO Siri. This toy is the newest product in LELO’s luxury line of sex toys. This clit vibe, similar in function to it’s sisters Lelo Nea and Lily, Siri offers lovely clitoral stimulation, however Siri offers a new updated design to the previous clit vibes in the product line. Siri is discreet, cute, fun to use, and is functional. Siri is made of ABS plastic, while the head of the toy is made of supple silicone. You can see from the shape of the toy that Siri is meant to fit in the palm of your hand, and is perfect for nuzzling between your labia and resting against your clit. The buttons aren’t seamless, but they are easy to press, even with slightly lubed up fingers. You can navigate through the vibration intensity speeds, as well as the vibration modes by clicking the buttons on the toy’s userface. The +/- buttons can be used for turning the toy on/off, locking the toy, and browsing through the vibration speeds. The Up and Down buttons are used for browsing the vibration pulses that range from short pulses of vibration, to long draw out buzzes. The toy is easy to clean, if using a toy wipe. You can also use mild anti-bacterial soap and water, just be sure not to get moisture into the seams of the buttons or in the charging port. Yes, that’s right, like all LELO toys, Siri is rechargeable! She also comes with a limited 1 year warranty, in case any thing goes wrong with the toy. As with other Lelo toys, Siri comes packaged in a lovely black gift box with a charger, user manual, and satin storage bag.

Lelo Siri almost looks like a naughty little Easter egg, inspired by the design of Lelo’s other newer toys, Mona and Ina. The new design is sexy, modern, and fun. The toy is super tiny too, which means it’s great for carrying around in your handbag for impromptu fun! ;) I adore Lelo toys, even though some wish Lelo toys offered more intense vibration, Lelo toys make me orgasm every time. Their vibrations are usually moderate-high, but the vibrations resonate deeply, rather than being buzzy on the skin. Also, the toys aren’t completely silent, but they are very quiet, and can’t be heard through a closed door…trust me, I’ve tried it. However, *you* may be heard through the door as you moan out with pleasure once the toy touches your naughty bits. The cool thing about Siri is, she is the most powerful Lelo toy! It’s true, even Lelo is marketing the toy as their most powerful yet. They’re right! I own other Lelo toys, so I of course made a comparison, though my pussy pretty much knows the Lelo performance by heart (er, by clit?) I tested Siri against some of the other vibes, and Siri definitely has more power! I love the added power! It’s perfect, it’s awesome, it’s a Lelo dream come true. My other Lelo toys are a bit jealous I think by Siri’s stellar performance, but no worries, I adore all of my Lelo toys regardless. I used Siri on my nipples, my neck, down my tummy, against my vulva…and it felt fantastic. Yummy yummy stimulation! Siri felt delicately in my hand, and when pressed between my labia, it met my clitoris with sweet sweet bliss.

The LELO Siri vibrator feels great against my clit. Unlike Nea and Lily, Siri has a more rounded bottom, where the toy touches the clit, where as Nea and Lily have a more pin-pointed tip and a curve up and inward just beneath the tip. Both designs have their perks, but Siri’s body is different than it’s two sister vibes, and that is something to be celebrated too. The rounded area offers stimulation to the clit, and the entire vulva, as the surface of the toy is larger and wider than the previous clit vibes from Lelo. So the design definitely covers more area, which some may really like. Also, the toy is silicone, unlike Nea and Lily, so the surface feels lovely against the skin, and it works really well with water based lube. Be sure not to use silicone lube with Siri, as she’s not compatible with silicone lube. I really enjoyed using this toy! It made me orgasm as the new more intense vibrations took me over the edge and the vibration resonated deeply throughout my genital area. I also liked holding the rounded tip of the toy against my clit, as well as resting the rounded bottom against it. Another great perk, is that the toy is so small that it can be used during sex. Let your lover penetrate you from behind while you hold the toy against your clit, or hold it against your clit easily while performing oral sex on your lover. The toy is versatile! It can also be paired with other toys, especially LELO toys like Mona or even Liv or Gigi.

Check out the video below that I made showing the different vibrations that Siri offers. Sorry for the dark video, the lighting was awful, and this is my first ever video to accompany my reviews, so please bear with me!

LELO Siri is available at KamaSutraCloset.com right now on sale for only $80.75! You’ll also get free shipping with the order. You can get 15% off of your order or Siri or any other purchase at Kama Sutra Closet with the discount code “SCARLET15″, just enter the code at checkout!

Fleshlight Girls Jenna Haze Swallow

August 6th, 2010 @ Amber St. Clare

I’m always curious when new Fleshlight masturbators come out on the market, so when I heard that the Fleshlight Girls Jenna Haze Swallow was supposed to be one of the best Fleshlights to simulate oral sex, I was curious to check it out. I don’t have a penis, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to stick things into masturbation sleeves! I think Fleshlight is on to something with their products, I liek that they are marketing sex toys for men, and with Jenna Haze being one of the newest porn gals to have their naughty bits molded to make sleeves, I thought it was fitting that her’s was one of the first sleeves to feature the cool Swallow texture. Just what is the Swallow texture? It’s really cool looking actually, and it’s meant to feel like a mouth and throat, so that when the penis is inserted it simulates fellatio. It’s molded directly from Jenna Haze’s mouth, and it features a raised detail pre-printed signature of her on the side. The Superskin material is soft and squishy to the touch, and comes in a creamy beige fleshtone color. The sleeve itself is stretchy, and the opening is right between the lips, so you can see the lips part as you slide your dick into the orifice. The sleeve is nestled inside of the signature Fleshlight case, that is meant to look like a large flashlight. The entire Fleshlight comes in a collector’s tin that features Jenna Haze’s photo on the back, plus you also get a pre-printed photo of Jenna, plus a sample packet of lubricant, so that you can use the masturbation sleeve right away. Cleaning the toy is pretty simple, and involves turning the sleeve inside out so that you can rinse the inner canal with warm water, pat it dry, and then leave it inside out until completely try. You’re encouraged to dust the sleeve with powder in between uses and storage to keep the Superskin feeling soft. The Superskin material feels really good to the touch, and is pliable. It can be removed from the Fleshlight case easily, and also slips right back into the case for easy use. The case is a good size for grasping, so you can sue this masturbator in a variety of different positions. Sitting down, standing up, pressed between two pillows so you can use the toy hands free, or in a shoe, where you can tuck the shaft of the Fleshlight case for easy hands free use.

The sleeve itself is really cool. It offers a long smooth canal that grips the cock tightly as it enters, then the canal progresses into an accordion style texture that is meant to simulate the tightness of a mouth. The deeper you penetrate the sleeve, you get to a point that is a little wider and then slides back into a tighter part of the canal. This part of the inner sleeve texture is meant to simulate deep throat. I lubed up one of my fingers and slid it into the mouth orifice, the inner sleeve texture felt really interesting and different than other Fleshlight sleeves I’ve felt. The textured ridges inside felt really cool! I could imagine how awesome it would feel on a hard cock, if I had one. Instead I used a medium sized dildo to see how the sleeve would work in action. The lips part to grasp the shaft of the dildo, and I could feel the dildo slip into the canal which is both tight and squishy.  You know I needed a male opinion on this toy, because curiosity was getting the best of me. So I found a eager friend who I convinced to try this toy out (by convinced him I really mean that I gave in to his begging ;) ). My friend told me that he loved this sleeve! He said that the Jenna Haze Swallow Fleshlight is one of his new favorite FL sleeves. He really liked the detail of the lips and the that that this toy was meant to be an oral sex sleeve. He said that the canal felt awesome! The ridges of the sleeve gripped the cock nicely, and the added simulation as the penis slide through the different textures made for an explosive orgasm. He also said that he tried using the Fleshlight while watching a Jenna Haze porn DVD and that it made for a really cool experience. I personally think this sleeve is pretty cool. I think it would even be kind o fun to use with your partner, it would be a fun way to have a “fantasy” threesome. Let your girl work this Fleshlight over your cock while you kiss her or perform oral sex on her, and the visual effect of the mouth Fleshlight on your rod along with your lady up on you at the same time, sounds like it could be all sorts of fun! Want to feel the Swallow in action? You can get the Fleshlight Girl Jenna Haze Swallow at Pink Cherry for only $79.95! Which means your purchase will qualify for FREE SHIPPING at PinkCherry.com or if you’re in Canada, PinkCherry.ca

All tied up with LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs

August 4th, 2010 @ Amber St. Clare

I’m a long time LELO fan, that’s for sure. Their brand was one of the very first brands of sex toys that got me hooked. Their quality is exceptional and a favorite of mine, so when I heard that they recently came out with their own line of luxe accessories, I knew I had to try them. I recently got to try the LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs from Tabu Toys, and I was super excited to finally try them out! First off, the outer box of the cuffs is gorgeous, it’s smaller than the usual Lelo packaging, and slimmer, but sleek and gorgeous. Black with a embossed LELO logo on it. Upon opening the box, you’ll be greeted by the usual black gift box that encloses every Lelo item. The box is slimmer, and is so cute, you could re-use the box for trinkets, or use it to store your cuffs. When you open the gift box, you’ll see a eco-friendly recycled tissue paper covered the cuffs, as you open the paper, you’ll find the cuffs, in all their beauty. The cuffs are so pretty! They are a deep lovely black color, and are smooth and sleek to the touch. Made of 100% silk, the material feels so gorgeous against the skin. The cuffs consist of no buckles or locks, they are somewhat like a blindfold in design, but are made for tying up the wrists and ankles. The cuffs feature a soft woven suede and silk restraint in the middle with long ties made of silk at each end. You can wrap the wrists or ankles with the restraint and use the long ends to tie your lover up as tightly or as lightly as you desire. I like that the cuffs are adjustable, since you can choose how tightly or loosely to tie them. This is an awesome product for beginner bondage play! Tie your lover’s arms above their head, or tie them down to the bed by the wrists or ankles. Very sexy and super versatile! Also, it’s a great product for beginners because since the cuffs are adjustable, can be untied, and are not lockable, it isn’t too intimidating for complete novices.

The outside pattern of the restraint (the part that is wrapped around the wrists or ankles) offers a pretty jacquard pattern, while the other side is smooth, and has a tiny little LELO logo near the ribbon tie. These cuffs are so pretty! I know I already said that, but it needs to be said again. These cuffs are luxurious and quality, and offer lovers a chance to take their pleasure to the next level in whatever way they are most comfortable with. The length of ribbon for tying the cuffs is 150cm, so you have quite a bit of tying room. The cuffs are comfortable and didn’t feel scratchy or too heavy on my wrists. I found that the cuffs could be tied quite tightly, but also were really pleasant when tied more loosely. I tied them up in a bow, but if you know how to make tighter knots, that is up to you and your partner. It really adds a lot of fun to be able to tie your lover down and tease their body with light touches, kisses, and erotic sensations. I’d be interested in getting another pair of these cuffs as a set for both ankles and wrists! ;) The quality of cuffs is very high, which is what I’ve come to expect from the LELO brand. Since the cuffs are made of suede and silk, be sure not to stain them with silicone lube or any other massage oils. You can wipe the cuffs clean with a damp cloth if you need to also. I adore these! I’m so excited that Lelo came out with these accessories, and I can’t wait to try more from the line.

Want to get all tied up with the LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs? You can wrap them around your wrists for only $46 at TabuToys.com, awesome price for such a beautiful pair of cuffs that could last you years to come. I highly recommend these cuffs to beginners and pros alike.

Hot Gift Idea: LUSH Viva Lush Vegas!

August 3rd, 2010 @ Amber St. Clare

Needless to say, I’m a self professed Lushie. I love LUSH! I especially adore their cute gift sets, some of them are rather sexy. Such as the LUSH Viva Lush Vegas gift set. Super cute! Comes wrapped in a fun little vegas style aces, spades, and hearts wrapped box, perfect for gift giving. For the sexy bather, it comes with the ultra sexy Sex Bomb bathbomb, one of my favorite bathbombs Avobath, The Comforter bubblebar, Sexy Peel soap, and the Joy of Jelly showerjelly. Perfectly unisex, perfect for single ladies and studs, or sexy couples. Only $39.95 at LUSHusa.com

Facebook deletes Violet Blue’s “Our Porn, Ourselves” page

August 1st, 2010 @ Amber St. Clare

How completely annoying, Facebook yet again deletes a page for no specific reason. It’s perfectly okay to post photos of women in bikinis and booty shorts, but breastfeeding photos and self empowered women groups? Thats a no no! Facebook, please get off your high horse.